Weblog
Monday, 15 December 2008
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the heart
have you wanted something so much with all your heart and not able to get it?
your mind tells you all the reasons to stop wanting it, that this is the way it is supposed to be but your heart just doesn't seem to want to listen. my mind is telling me every logical reason but that doesn't seem to matter. why is that?
it just doesn't seem to make sense sometimes. i always thought i had everything figured out, there was always a reason for everything that happened so i always accepted it and didn't think twice about it.
life is funny this way i guess. i know His Will will prevail and that it will have the best things in store for me so why can't i just let this go? why can't i just let things be this time? why do i keep fighting it?
i pray that i have the patience to see His plan through, that there is no doubt and that i have complete faith. i feel like i have followed this through most of my life and it has brought me everything to be thankful for. but it seems that everything i have learned and experienced is nothing compared to this point in my life. i pray that i come out of this stronger than before and become a better person because of it.
Tuesday, 23 September 2008
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Is it possible?
I went to sleep late last night....
But when I woke up this morning I was really refreshed. I don't remember the last time like how I felt this morning. It felt like I could conquer the world. But I only had 3 hours of sleep? It felt like 9 hours.
Its so strange how that works sometimes. I could sleep for 12 hours and still want more when I wake up. I could sleep for 3 hours and feel like I slept all night.
I wonder why that is....
Monday, 22 September 2008
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Order in Life
It's 2AM in Chicago and I have to be up in 5 hours but felt like it was time to write a log in reve. It's been a while anyway.
I was waiting for my plane in the airport and had a great view of all the planes coming and going. I never realized that everything was so very controlled. I could see the planes arriving one by one, all lined up in the sky. Someone was controlling them to be a certain distance apart, to land exactly the same way, to be in the same exact position as the previous plane.
I thought about my walk with God. Was it like the planes? Were we all the same? Was He directing us in the same way so that the people in front of me and behind me would land exactly the same way. I don't think so. We all land differently don't we? The path might be different but we all have the same goal.
I just pray that mine is a safe landing.
Tuesday, 15 July 2008
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So hard to share...
I admit it, I still have a hard time to share my faith.
When I go to work saying the word church still doesn't flow from my lips easily. Why is that? Is it because I am not the best role model for Christians? I think I'm afraid of giving the Christian religion a bad name. I don't want people to think it's just some title or some label. Deep down I know what it means to be a Christian but why is it so hard for me to say it?
It's not just work, no. If it was I guess it would be explainable. It's with my friends too. There are so many times I just want to scream out "you don't need to be depressed or worried or sad or lonely! God is always there with you!" but it doesn't come out. I just sit there silently.
Everyday I try to make myself a better person so that I can be a good figure but it's so hard. Everytime I think I have finally reached my limits God seems to push me more or reminds me in His way why He chose me.
So, as I write this I'm trying to think of ways to talk about my religion more easily with my coworkers and friends. Why is it so hard for me? How do I break out of this bubble that I am living in? How did you?
Sunday, 06 July 2008
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Youth Groups
Every Sunday I get reminded of how great the YG is. They may be younger but they always seem to teach me something.
Today two of the kids went up to give their feedback of JAMA. They just happened to be the President and VP of YG. But what they were able to get out of the conference was amazing to listen to. Sometimes you wonder if the things you are able to provide to the kids mean anything to them. When you listen to their words or see it on the video summary it hits you extra hard.
I really do believe they are the next generation. They have a passion that I didn't have when I was their age. It's really encouraging to see the fire in them.
